Collins, solo

You say you have some last-minute questions?  In “Last Gasp Election Briefing” Ms. Collins has some answers for you.  Here she is:

O.K., guys. It’s election time. You probably have a few last-minute questions. Fire away.

I live in Florida and I am so, so, so tired of this! I can’t turn on the TV without looking at a stupid Trump or Clinton ad, and every five minutes there’s somebody at the door or on the phone asking me if I’ve voted. I’ve voted! Why can’t they leave me alone?

— Overwhelmed in Orlando

The rest of the nation appreciates what a burden this is for you swing state voters. Sort of reminds us of a high school cheerleader moaning about how traumatic it is to have to fend off a dozen invitations to the prom.

I live in Massachusetts and I might as well be in Croatia! Nobody ever bothers to run presidential ads here, or campaign here. Nobody writes. Nobody calls. I might as well just stay home and not vote.

— Alienated in Amherst

There are no excuses for not voting. Imagine what would happen if Hillary Clinton won the Electoral College and lost the popular vote. The Republicans in Congress would have to interrupt their impeachment hearings to hold investigations on how the election got stolen.

And really, Massachusetts, nobody likes a sulker.

I live in Ohio and I am so tired of both candidates. Is it O.K. if I write in Tom Hanks for president?

— Cynical in Cincinnati

No! First of all, your write-in wouldn’t even count in Ohio. Second, Tom Hanks is busy. Third, you’re just wasting your vote in an attempt to appear morally superior. Do you actually think it won’t make any difference if the country is run by Donald Trump or not? Give me a break.

I can’t stand to think about Trump-Clinton for another minute. Tell me a story about a fun Senate race.

— Bored in Butte

We’ve enjoyed the fight in Missouri, which has focused a lot on the fact that the incumbent, Roy Blunt, is married to a lobbyist and has three adult children, all of whom are lobbyists. On the plus side, Blunt’s 12-year-old son is not in the business.

In North Carolina, the incumbent senator, Republican Richard Burr, got caught “joking” that he was happy to see Hillary Clinton’s face on the cover of a firearms magazine, but surprised that “it didn’t have a bulls-eye on it.” Burr is an example of an eerie tendency of Republicans to suggest shooting people they don’t like. This week Eric Trump told a radio host that David Duke, the white supremacist, “does deserve a bullet.”

That is not a fun Senate race.

No, but it’s pretty interesting. People didn’t necessarily expect Burr to have trouble, and now he’s definitely flailing. Get out there and vote, North Carolina! You have an exciting nail-biter to decide.

Wait a minute, isn’t North Carolina one of the swing states that are going to decide the presidential election? How come they get to do everything?

— Cranky in Connecticut

We are not going down that road again. It doesn’t matter if you live in a safe state. You have to vote for president because the popular vote counts. It’s true, Connecticut, that your senator, Richard Blumenthal, appears to have a 99 percent chance of being re-elected. But you never can tell. And look, you’ll be in the booth anyway.

Is it only blue states that don’t have any competitive elections? I suspect a plot.

Don’t be ridiculous. You could be in Alabama. Voting there is on the upswing, even though everyone knows Alabama is safe for Trump, and the Senate race pits 30-year incumbent Richard Shelby against a guy who is generally described as “a marijuana legalization activist.”

I like marijuana legalization.

— Stoned in San Diego

And you can vote for it on Tuesday in California and several other states — including Massachusetts. Do you hear that, Massachusetts? No complaining about meaningless elections.

You’re right. I am so embarrassed.

— Activated in Amherst

Well, you should be. Also, Massachusetts has a proposition about charter schools that’s very important. There are a lot of states with big initiatives, on everything from gun control to the minimum wage to tobacco taxes.

Alabama has 14 different propositions to decide. Admittedly, some are pretty technical, but still, everybody gets a say. And if you live in San Francisco, there are 42. Which I admit is overdoing things.

If Donald Trump wins, the country is doomed. If Hillary Clinton wins, the Republicans won’t let her do anything, and the country will still be a mess. I’m moving to New Zealand.

— Suicidal in Seattle

Stop that. Go vote. Assume that your candidate will win and that after the election everybody will try to work together to get things done. We have plenty of time to be depressed after the holidays. Plus, New Zealand has a housing bubble.

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